This excerpt from Building a Knowledge-Driven Organization by Robert H. Buckman (McGraw-Hill, 2004; quoted with the author’s kind permission) illustrates how the developmental edit process proceeds at a detailed level.

Aside from the point queried in the first comment, the information added in the initial edit comes from several sentences that originally appeared near the one quoted here. Pulling it all together strengthened the overall presentation so clearly that neither the editor nor the author felt any need to discuss it.

	SPEAKER PROPOSED TEXT COMMENTARY Author We were known as the Bug men in the Paper Industry. Editor One of our principal customer groups was the paper industry, where we were known as the “bug men” because we supplied specialty chemicals used for pest and crud control on the wet end of a paper machine. [[The preceding sentence may need some knowledgeable adjustment—what it wants is a vivid but true explanation of what the “bug men” did for a paper mill. Did I guess right?]] Author One of our principal customer groups was the paper industry, where we were known as the “bug men” because we supplied specialty chemicals used for microorganism control on the wet end of a paper machine. [[You were close.]] (NOTE: This whole exchange carried over from draft to draft until the sentence was settled; repetition deleted here to highlight the changes.) Editor [[Yah well, howbout just “crud control”? That’d speak more clearly to the nonscientific segment of the readership....]] Author [[I think we will need to stay with the control of microorganisms.]] Editor [[Hokay. They're your bugs. . . . ]] Author [[How about slime control?? That was the vernacular used in the industry.]] Editor One of our principal customer groups was the paper industry, where we were known as the “bug men” because we supplied specialty chemicals used for slime control on the wet end of a paper machine. [[That’s great! Everybody knows slime. Can we keep it?]] Author [[Yes!!!]]